i've done it. i turned in my big english paper, in which i cited my fellow unpublished peers. it was brilliant. let me just cite a few pre-debut rave reviews from those who caught the special preview:
it's brilliant. - editorgirl
I read your paper and I think that it's really great. - special k
of course i bask in such lush, lengthy, and extravagant praise. but what can i say? i'm now calling it my 17 page blockbuster epic. so i dropped off the paper at my professor's office and the exchange went like this:
me: are you ready for this?
prof: should i be ready for it?
me: uh, yeah, i think so. i even made a vanity copy for myself.
prof: oh, it's that good.
me: well, yeah, i think it is.
so leaving him with that oh-so confident exchange, i marched off to the slaughterhouse, a.k.a. the testing center, where i sweated for a few hours filling in little circles with my no. 2 pencil. at least i was shoulder to shoulder with a few hundred other students. i could just feel their humanity. or maybe that was their nervous perspiration making the air humid. anyway, the paper is in, and the results will be back by friday. i am confident. who could resist a paper on anne sexton? i bet her short black hair made her one of the hottest poetry-writing mothers on the block.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
back from the dead
i'm sick, demented, i came to represent it
i rose from the grave,
i had a close shave
because i'm back from the dead
you know i'm back from the dead
i'm coming back from the dead
and i'll put a freakin' hole in your head.
thank you, house of pain, for penning lyrics that so completely represent my recovery from mono. i mean, if there is anyone on campus that wants to put a hole in some random person's head just because, it would be me. i managed to squeeze by finals and papers, now just waiting for the 29th (when they post the grades) will be awful.
that said, i'm off to the land of ice and snow, i.e. minnesota. recently i heard that due to a lack of snow, the locals have been snomobiling on fields of alfalfa. no lie. minnesotans will do anything for a good time in the winter, and that includes cutting a hole in the ice and sitting in a little shack smaller than your average walk in closet, all in the name of some half-frozen fish. well, and a six-pack or two. or a cooler full. what could be better than drinking an ice chest full of beer with your buddy on the middle of a frozen lake? search me.
christmas will be good, and soon i'll be back wreaking havoc on the faculty as usual. one more semester, and then i think i'll pack my bags and head for bermuda. or nassau. somewhere warm where i can forget that anything academic ever existed in my life. yeah. that sounds idyllic.
i rose from the grave,
i had a close shave
because i'm back from the dead
you know i'm back from the dead
i'm coming back from the dead
and i'll put a freakin' hole in your head.
thank you, house of pain, for penning lyrics that so completely represent my recovery from mono. i mean, if there is anyone on campus that wants to put a hole in some random person's head just because, it would be me. i managed to squeeze by finals and papers, now just waiting for the 29th (when they post the grades) will be awful.
that said, i'm off to the land of ice and snow, i.e. minnesota. recently i heard that due to a lack of snow, the locals have been snomobiling on fields of alfalfa. no lie. minnesotans will do anything for a good time in the winter, and that includes cutting a hole in the ice and sitting in a little shack smaller than your average walk in closet, all in the name of some half-frozen fish. well, and a six-pack or two. or a cooler full. what could be better than drinking an ice chest full of beer with your buddy on the middle of a frozen lake? search me.
christmas will be good, and soon i'll be back wreaking havoc on the faculty as usual. one more semester, and then i think i'll pack my bags and head for bermuda. or nassau. somewhere warm where i can forget that anything academic ever existed in my life. yeah. that sounds idyllic.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
oh happy day
i have done it. which means that i successfully used the phrase lecherous largesse in a paper. don't ask for my secret; i won't tell you. in other news, i have logged more hours sitting on the couch in one week than i have sitting in class all semester. plus, i'm on steroids. life sure is great.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Friday, December 03, 2004
apparently some people like to post serious things on their blogs. apparently some people find it cathartic. apparently i am not one of those people, unless being so absorbed in self-pity that i am bloated to the size of a (yes, i am going to say it) beached whale. ha! i can't take this kind of worthless diddling. i vote, (since no one is listening it will be easy to win) that all my posthumous works be published under my pseudonym, Bjorn Henrikkson, so that they can never be linked with my diminutive frame and neurotic internet meanderings. meanwhile, does anyone else have a strange fascination with male singers that sound like girls? making your voice get up that high without the use of a pitch-shifter is serious business. one day it will be me. i have a few octaves to stretch out of my vocal chords though. i also vote that my epitaph read so long, suckers and that my eulogy be read by a diminutive history teacher named garcia. any opposed? no? well, then all motions pass unanimously, dammit!
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
mononucleosis
It's hard to be witty when you can hardly breathe. i have mono, my throat is swollen like you wouldn't believe, and my life currently sucks. i will now stop complaining. if you need to find me, i will be lying on my couch, wrapped up in a blanket.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
walmart and me
So i've decided to blog the tar out of my life. I was all ready to resist the whole blog thing, but then something came along that changed everything. Lovely, isn't it? wait till i get started. first of all, welcome to the good ship. this is in reference to the way i have recently begun to refer to things i really don't like, but prefer to criticize in a snide sort of way. this finds usage in such terms as, the good ship walmart, which happens to be the subject of this post.
so, i'm at walmart, waiting for a prescription to be filled, which was only supposed to take a half hour. well, it took much longer, and so i bought a mcflurry, played samples of the most obnoxious metal cds i could find in the music department, and read snippets from a book that was supposed to unmask all the fallacious material in the Da Vinci Code. for those of you that have suddenly gone, "whoa, this guy can use capitals, however improperly," i refer you to the fact that walmart doesn't have any. i checked back at the desk, but of course the prescription wasn't filled.
next i wandered around, looked at music magazines that don't know anything about music (really, who would trust anything titled Hit Parader to accurately chonicle what good music is doing these days), tapped my empty mcflurry cup on everything i could, and thought about how hypocritical i was for having patronized mcdonald's after having just given a class presentation summing up with encouragement to think about what our fast food purchases do to the environment.
finally, i got my prescription, and left the store to find that, no, the sun hadn't gone down yet, and no, the planet hadn't been invaded by brain-sucking aliens. yet. still, i thought my clock was broken when it read 3:10, and i realized that walmart had sucked my afternoon drier than a stale saltine cracker. so here's to sam walton, for wasting my life and yours inside his infernal store.
in other news, walmart is taking over the world. walmart stores have actually been mistaken for alien spaceships. only by me, actually, but i am sure there are other closet believers.think about it though: where else do artificial lighting and endless corridors occur in such high frequency?
so, i'm at walmart, waiting for a prescription to be filled, which was only supposed to take a half hour. well, it took much longer, and so i bought a mcflurry, played samples of the most obnoxious metal cds i could find in the music department, and read snippets from a book that was supposed to unmask all the fallacious material in the Da Vinci Code. for those of you that have suddenly gone, "whoa, this guy can use capitals, however improperly," i refer you to the fact that walmart doesn't have any. i checked back at the desk, but of course the prescription wasn't filled.
next i wandered around, looked at music magazines that don't know anything about music (really, who would trust anything titled Hit Parader to accurately chonicle what good music is doing these days), tapped my empty mcflurry cup on everything i could, and thought about how hypocritical i was for having patronized mcdonald's after having just given a class presentation summing up with encouragement to think about what our fast food purchases do to the environment.
finally, i got my prescription, and left the store to find that, no, the sun hadn't gone down yet, and no, the planet hadn't been invaded by brain-sucking aliens. yet. still, i thought my clock was broken when it read 3:10, and i realized that walmart had sucked my afternoon drier than a stale saltine cracker. so here's to sam walton, for wasting my life and yours inside his infernal store.
in other news, walmart is taking over the world. walmart stores have actually been mistaken for alien spaceships. only by me, actually, but i am sure there are other closet believers.think about it though: where else do artificial lighting and endless corridors occur in such high frequency?
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